The Way To A Man's Cock is Through His Pants


The staff meeting was ready to begin when Ianto finally entered, bearing a tray of mugs -- commanding everyone's instant attention. Gwen was rather surprised he was the last to arrive, but anyone else would have been sneaking in five to twenty minutes late so she supposed Ianto was allowed to be -- she glanced at the clock in the break room which she could see through the window -- a whole two minutes late, once.

Ianto smoothly handed out the mugs, setting Jack's on the table beside him last. As the ceramic hit the tabletop, Jack's head whipped around and his eyes went wide. Gwen's hand was already heading for her sidearm before she remembered she wasn't wearing it; from movements she saw from Owen and Tosh, they were stifling similar impulses though obviously ready to attack if Jack said Ianto had been replaced by an alien.

Ianto merely looked at Jack with a mild question in his eyes as Jack grabbed Ianto's arm and pulled him closer. "You smell good," Jack said, but his tone was as predatory as Gwen had ever heard. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Owen roll his eyes.

"Thank you, sir," Ianto said, calm as ever. Gwen stifled a laugh as Ianto tried to free his arm from Jack's grip.

But Jack held on. "No, you smell really good." Jack pulled on Ianto's arm, tugging the young man down so Jack could -- dear God, Gwen thought, he was actually sniffing Ianto's neck. Deeply.

"I took a shower this morning," Ianto said, still sounding calm. But not, Gwen suddenly realised, terribly surprised. She narrowed her eyes suspiciously at Ianto, who wasn't paying her or the others any attention.

Jack was still inhaling, deeply, then -- Gwen blinked and heard a stifled noise from Tosh. Jack licked Ianto's neck, completely unself-consciously. Ianto seemed to squirm a bit, but wasn't trying very hard to get away. Jack seemed to rest his face against Ianto's skin, apparently oblivious to everything else. "This is not your usual soap."

"No, sir, it's new. Excuse me, sir, but there was a staff meeting on today's agenda--" Ianto's best butler-tone was stifled as Jack grabbed Ianto's tie and pulled Ianto's head down, face-to-face with Jack's extremely...hungry expression.

"Staff meeting is cancelled," Jack said, not taking his eyes off Ianto. "Everybody go home. Except Ianto. Ianto is staying right here."

"Exactly here, sir?" Ianto asked, and now his eyes had that devilish gleam that Gwen realised she should have been expecting. It was, after all, a Monday after a very long weekend spent chasing annoyingly juvenile aliens who were out to spray paint graffiti on backwards planets, and all of them had wanted a week off instead of coming in to do paperwork and have meetings.

Which, she realised as Jack's words penetrated her brain, they'd just been given. The day, at least, but she wasn't turning it down.

"Thank God," Owen muttered, and he fairly made a dash for the door -- clearly not wanting to see any more of the Jack and Ianto Show than was necessary. Gwen and Tosh took a bit more time gathering their things, but Jack was paying them no mind. He was sniffing Ianto's neck, again, and Gwen heard a small gasp from Ianto as Jack -- well, from that angle he was probably biting.

Gwen fled the conference room on Tosh's heels. Maybe they could get the CCTV footage saved before Jack came to his senses and deleted it. Again.


The next day, Gwen arrived a bit earlier than normal and found Ianto at his computer up in the Tourist Office. She gave him a smile, feeling a bit awkward, then decided that it was Ianto, for heaven's sake, and if she was going to be embarrassed about this sort of thing she should never have joined Torchwood.

"Morning, Gwen," Ianto said, and it certainly sounded like he was in a good mood. Jack would be in a good mood as well, perhaps even good enough to sign some expense vouchers.

"Morning. Ianto...I wanted to ask. Yesterday, um, you said that you had some sort soap?" She didn't bother going into detail, knowing perfectly well they both knew she meant that soap.

Ianto nodded, still smiling at her like they weren't standing around at work talking about shagging accessories.

She took a deep breath and asked quickly, before she could lose her nerve, "D'you think it would work on Rhys?"

"I thought you might inquire," Ianto said, and he handed over a small bar of soap wrapped in paper. She took it, surprised and pleased -- and slightly disturbed that Ianto could predict so well what she was going to ask for.

Then she read the label on the soap. She blinked. "Cinnamon and vanilla scented soap?" She looked at Ianto, wondering if he was having her on. "It makes you smell like baked goods?"

"Warm biscuits, in fact, once your body heat has released the aroma a bit," Ianto explained. He looked completely nonplussed. "There's been research done on what odors human males find arousing." He nodded at the soap. "You saw for yourself how well it worked on Jack. Granted, he has a better sense of smell than many I've tried it on -- I should apologise. I hadn't expected him to react so...immediately."

"You've used it before--" Gwen closed her hand around the soap, and slipped it quickly into her purse. "I owe you. A ten pound bag of those coffee beans you like so much."

Ianto winked. "Jack said the same thing, after."

the end