Obi-Wan sat as quietly as he could in meditation. He was having trouble calming his thoughts. He'd been having trouble for days, now; every time he sat down and closed his eyes it seemed his mind was ever more determined not to quiet down.
Unfortunately, he couldn't ask his Master about it. If the problem were anything else, he would have. As it was, Obi-Wan was having enough trouble shielding the source of his distress from his Master. He knew Qui-Gon had noticed and knew how difficult it was for his apprentice to meditate lately -- as well as perform his routine katas, conduct his studies, or even carry on a conversation without tripping over himself -- but Obi-Wan had not asked for assistance. He had, in fact, requested privacy by ti ghtening his shields around himself and Qui-Gon had respected the request.
Obi-Wan was old enough, at nearly twenty one years, that he no longer needed immediate rescue from his troubles. At times, when his failed meditations led to reminiscing, he found himself missing that ever-present safety-net. Though his master had ne ver prevented Obi-Wan from making his mistakes and trying to find a way to repair them, for several years he had done as a Master should. When Obi-Wan got in over his head, Qui-Gon stepped in and helped him fix things.
For the last couple of years, though, Obi-Wan had been allowed to stand on his own, dealing with whatever came his way with independence. It felt exhilarating, finding himself being treated as an adult and Jedi, but he still missed that warmth of his Mas ter's support.
With independence came distance, and distance was exactly what he did not want. Hence his troubled meditations, his troubled katas.... his troubled days and nights.
Perhaps it was time to talk to someone. A Jedi knows when to use others' strengths, Obi-Wan told himself. He'd proven that he could not solve this problem by himself by failing to do so after so many days of trying.
'And if it continues, Qui-Gon may step in, anyhow. And he will see that I cannot yet take care of myself.'
Obi-Wan sighed, and bent his head. The meditation wasn't working.