SG-1 Survival Kit

The team was almost at the end of their three-day recon of PX2-919. The visit had been a quiet one, no natives of the sentient variety to speak of, and even the local flora and fauna had seemed willing to ignore their presence. The larger animals had remained at a distance, and the smaller had crept forward out of curiosity only to scamper for cover whenever one of the humans had made a move towards them. The plants almost appeared earth-like, with subtle differences which made each Terran take occasional second looks. The apparently poisonous ones were easily avoided due to
their similarity to poison oak, ivy, and sumac. All in all, it was a peaceful mission.

The team was getting paranoid.

"I don't suppose we ought to leave a few hours early, while we can?" Sam Carter asked, as they completed one more bag and tag for the biologists at SGC. With no natives to rescue, communicate with, or fight, SG-1 had been given instructions to take samples from a large area surrounding the gate to determine if any of the plants were, in fact, related to earth species.

"Come on, Major," Jack chided her. "One more stop across those hills and we'll be done." Glancing around, he added, "Besides, do you want to explain to General Hammond that we came back early because it was too safe?"

"I think that given our track record, he'd understand," Daniel Jackson said. "I'd think he'd be grateful we came home in one piece."

"Teal'c? What do you think, too safe to stay?" O'Neill asked with obvious amusement.

Teal'c merely regarded his commander, silently. The lack of expression on his face made it clear that he agreed with Carter and Jackson, and would never admit it out loud. O'Neill nodded.

"Fine. Let's pack up and head out."

It didn't take them long to collect and secure their tools and samples. They each tried to behave nonchalantly, as if they were not leaving because the peaceful planet had them spooked.

"There's only one section we haven't checked," Jackson offered by way of rationale. "From the visual similiarity between the other four sections, we could postulate that the fourth would be insufficiently dissimilar to justify taking samples."

O'Neill gave him a long look, before replying, "Or we could say we ran out of bags." He looked to the others. "You guys got any bags?"

Carter stifled a laugh. Teal'c held up a canvas bag. "I have exactly one dozen sample bags remaining, Colonel O'Neill. I--"

"OK, OK, we'll use Danny's excuse. Come on, Teal'c, we're gonna have to teach you the meaning of the phrase "bullshit"." He continued leading the team back towards the stargate, and not towards the hills.

""Bullshit" is not a phrase. It is a single word," Teal'c pointed out. O'Neill sighed, but ignored him.

The trek back to the gate was completed easily, quickly, and safely. By the time they approached the DHD, O'Neill was looking around nervously. "Something's gotta jump out at us," he muttered.

"What was that, sir?" Carter asked. She and Teal'c were standing near the gate, well out of the way of the initial event horizon that would appear as soon as Jackson completed dialing them home.

"Nothing." O'Neill kept an eye out while Jackson dialed. Soon the seventh chevron was lit, and the stargate exploded into blue and silvery swirls. This of course was normal for a gate turned on. With one last sweep of the area, O'Neill ordered his team through.


Jack O'Neill came through last, watching as the SGC gateroom came into focus. The soldiers waiting to greet unknown incoming travelers had stood down by the time he stepped onto the ramp. O'Neill removed his sunglasses and smiled. Back, and everyone was in one piece.

"Look out!" someone shouted. O'Neill turned towards the shout in time to see a M.A.L.P. falling out of a cradle which had suspended it in mid-air. Why it had been there, he didn't know. He didn't care, either -- the large, heavy piece of equipment was busy crashing down on Sam Carter.

He, Teal'c, and Jackson ran to her side. Together, with the assistance of every nearby soldier and technician, they lifted the M.A.L.P up and set it aside. Carter lay on the ramp, groaning and clutching at her middle. The other personnel moved away to let the medical team through when they arrived. The other members of SG-1 cracked their foreheads together as they each simultaneously leaned down to check on Carter.

"Ow." Jackson rubbed his head in a mirror image of O'Neill, who was doing the same thing.

O'Neill gave Jackson and Teal'c a mild glare then started to lean down again only to stop, when the other two began to do the same. Each man froze. "OK, this isn't going to work. Only one of us can go down to check on her."

For a moment they stood there, waiting for that one, to do so. At their feet, Carter groaned again, then asked, "Well? Who's it going to be?"

O'Neill shrugged, looking confused. "I don't know. Who's it supposed to be?"

Jackson nodded, worried. "If it were Jack who'd been hurt, there wouldn't be any question. I'd be the one down there comforting him -- even if Teal'c wanted to be the one doing it, he's too stoic to offer physical reassurances in public like this." Jackson nodded towards the Air Force personnel who were watching them, waiting patiently.

Teal'c agreed, and added, "And were it I, it would be you, Colonel O'Neill."

"If it were Danny, it wouldn't matter -- any of us could cuddle him and no one would so much as blink." O'Neill frowned. "But Carter almost never gets hurt..."

The three men considered silently, for a moment longer. The medics came hurrying into the room, and, after being briefed by one of the technicians, one of the medics came forward. "Colonel? Are you about ready? We're going to have to take her to the infirmary."

"Yeah, yeah," O'Neill waved him off. "Give us a minute."

Jackson spoke up then. "You could do it, Jack. If we want to assume that the evidence from those two alternate realities indicates that you and Sam have a potential relationship, or are hiding an actual--"

O'Neill groaned. "You know -- no offense, Major -- but I'm really tired of people assuming that my alternate selves have the same taste in women that I do. I mean, come on, what about all those millions of other realities?"

With the hint of a smile, Jackson asked, "Does that mean your taste in women runs more along the lines of that alternate reality I saw where you and Charlie--"

"Excuse me?" O'Neill interrupted. "Look, this isn't getting us anywhere. I'm not going down there if it's going to be some kind of UST-thing."

"I could go." Jackson shrugged. "She is a good friend, after all."

"As could I. It is my responsibility to protect my teammates," Teal'c interjected.

"Yeah, but Sam's a soldier, too," Jackson told him. "Would you feel as obligated to protect her? I mean, unless on Chulac women aren't usually warriors, and you're harboring an unrevealed belief that woman are less able to take care of themselves as men are."

Teal'c looked at him for a moment. "I am unaware of any such beliefs."

"Fine." Jackson nodded. "So you wouldn't be the one to go. That leaves me." He stood there, however, without kneeling down to Carter's side.

"Well?" O'Neill asked.

"It doesn't feel right. I'm not quite sure... Maybe I need to know what my motivation is? Is it just that she's my friend and I'm a demonstrative kind of person?"

O'Neill and Teal'c exchanged glances. "Sounds good to me," O'Neill said.

"OK." Jackson nodded. He took a deep breath, began to kneel, then stopped. "This isn't going to imply any romantic feelings on my part, is it?"

O'Neill shrugged. "Why don't you ask her?"

Jackson looked down at Carter, who was still lying at their feet. She'd stopped groaning while they talked. Before he could say anything, Dr. Fraser pushed her way past the on-lookers. "This is ridiculous!" she snapped. "I'll do it. I can't believe you three." She knelt down beside Carter, prompting the other medics to approach as well, preparing to get her transported to the infirmary. Fraser spoke softly to Sam -- who was groaning softly again -- then looked up at the rest of SG-1. "You'd think you would have a plan for this sort of thing."

"It's never happened before!" O'Neill countered. "I mean, sure, she's been kidnapped and held hostage, but we all three got to rescue her and ogle and stuff. She didn't need to be comforted."

"And every other time the entire team has been hurt, so there wasn't any on-screen comforting," Jackson said, following along as they placed Carter on a gurney and headed out of the room.

Fraser didn't seem impressed. "Then you're lucky I was here! But next time, I don't want to see any of this 'standing around'. We wasted precious minutes when she could have been receiving medical attention. If it turns out she's badly injured, that time could be vital."

Suitably chastised, O'Neill apologised. "We'll go work something out right now. Someone's going to have to sit at her bedside while he recovers, anyhow."

Fraser sighed. "Oh, I'll do it. I have reports to ignore."

"What about your other patients?" O'Neill asked, though he sounded pleased at her offer.

"I don't have any right now. Why don't you guys go on and get settled in the 'we're just friends' waiting room. I'll send someone out to let you know how she's doing."

"Thanks, doc. We really appreciate this." O'Neill grinned.

Her next words stopped them briefly in their tracks. "You still have to plan something. If she gets injured off-planet, one of you is going to have to do it next time."

There was silence, then Jackson asked quietly, "Maybe we can cut a deck of cards?"