Notes: Um. Crack? Parody? Pleasedon'thurtme?
"The photographer from The Star is going to be allowed to sneak on-set at exactly four fifteen," Marcia said, glancing at her PDA. "The studio wants her to get at least two distinct clandestine shots of the two of you." She nodded towards Jared and Jensen.
Jensen nodded, not saying anything. Jared rolled his eyes and sighed, then held out his hand. Bettiane immediately slapped a water bottle into his hand, smiling at him adoringly. Jensen wasn't sure if it she was required to smile, or if she meant it.
"We have to do what again?" Jared asked in a bored tone.
"As it says in your contracts," Marcia began, her tone frosty. She'd had this exact same conversation every single time there was a photo op for the Supernatural stars. "The two of you will be photographed acting in a friendly, playful manner. To demonstrate that you are good friends off-screen."
Jared sighed again, taking a sip of his water. He wrinkled his nose at it and Bettiane froze, her hand halfway stretched towards the bottle to retrieve it and run to get a replacement. But Jared just sighed again and took another drink. "Whatever. Am I getting paid for this? My agent gave the studio strict instructions that I'm to be paid for all additional press."
"I'm sure your agent will be able to confirm your pay structure," Marcia said, as she took a step back. Her job was done, and she wanted to be long gone.
Jared glanced over at Jensen, who'd been standing far on the other side of Marcia. He wrinkled his nose again. "Whatever, man. Call me when they need me," he said to Bettiane, then he turned and walked back towards his trailer.
At four on the nose Jensen was sitting in his chair. He'd carefully moved it over beside Jared's half an hour ago, not wanting to get caught with the two chairs not side-by-side. Then he'd spent some time arranging things -- he'd grabbed the PSPs that he kept on hand, had an iPod in his jacket pocket in case they decided to go for the 'silent solidarity' pose. He'd drained half a water bottle to make it look like he'd been there awhile instead of ensconced in his trailer, reading.
The bottle was the same brand that Jared drank -- a nice touch, his agent and studio loved it. Jensen thought the flavoured and sweetened bottled water was the nastiest thing he'd ever drank, but of course no one knew if he drained it out and replaced the stuff with God's honest purified spring water.
He finally settled himself in the chair, fiddling with his sunglasses and wishing he could just leave them on. But he knew the cameras preferred their faces; the fans -- and thus the studios -- loved to see full expressions. Jensen tried to loosen up his cheeks and jaw, trying out a few smiles until they felt like they'd probably look real.
At exactly four fourteen, Jared slumped into his chair beside Jensen. He mumbled something that was probably meant to be a 'fuck this'. It was obvious that Jared had spent the last hour or so either popping pills or snorting dope or something.
Jensen didn't know exactly which it was, and didn't want to know. He glanced at Jared with genuine concern. "You know, Jared, if you would just take the Lord into your life you wouldn't need--"
Jared turned towards him and broke out into the widest, most blinding smile Jensen had ever seen. It looked like Jared truly was about to accept the joy of Jesus -- except Jensen had seen the photographer as well, so he smiled in return.
Between clenched teeth, Jared said -- carefully not moving his lips too much so no one could read them, "I'm going to rip your tongue out of your mouth if you talk to me about God while we'll stuck here for this shit. My contract says I don't have to put up with shit from anyone, and that includes you. Which the fuck one of us do you think is replaceable? The main focus of the entire story arc, or the supporting cast?"
Expecting some kind of outburst, Jensen was able to hold his smile, even force a little laugh. He didn't say anything, however, and after a moment Jared shook his head.
"Give me that fucking PSP and let the cunt get her photos." He held out his hand and Jensen slipped the PSP over -- knowing that his carrying the things would help fuel rumours that they were close. He even knew that some of those rumours would get fueled. He hated that, worried about the message he was sending to his fans, but his agent assured him that nobody that mattered would ever believe that he was a... well, one of those.
He'd tried to talk to Marcia about it after one press event when Jared had been so drunk that he'd practically mauled Jensen for the cameras. Jensen had explained that he sincerely didn't mind those kinds of choices for other people, but he didn't feel it was appropriate to be seen as... well, he'd whispered the word 'homosexual' because even saying it made him feel a little uncomfortable.
Marcia had pointed out the clause in his contract that said the studio, not the actors, decided what the stars did to encourage the fan-base, and so Jensen was stuck letting his co-star touch him inappropriately in public.
He and Jared sat in their chairs pretending to play a two-player game on their PSPs. In reality, Jared's wasn't even turned on and Jensen was playing brain teasers. But they coordinated their outbursts and cheers to make it look like they were kicking each other's asses, until finally Bettiane came over to let Jared know the photographer was safely gone.
"God, fucking finally," Jared said, throwing the PSP on the ground. He held out his hand and Bettiane handed him a fresh bottle of water, then she lightly spritzed his face with cologne. "When is the next little photo op?"
"You're going to be photographed in front of your trailer at five thirty," Bettiane replied promptly. "Howard will have the dogs."
Jared gagged. "Why the fuck do we have to have the dogs? God, they smell. I hate having to play with them."
"They're nice dogs," Jensen put in, feeling sorry for two of God's innocent creatures. He'd petted them each on the head when they'd been introduced, and he was pretty sure they'd liked him. Their trainer had to bribe them heavily to play with Jared -- Jensen didn't know how or who bribed Jared to act like he could stand being near them.
"Fine, you play with them. I'll stand back and look tolerably amused."
"You can't do that," Jensen said as Bettiane chewed her lower lip in worry. There was no way she could talk Jared into doing anything, but she'd be the one Marcia would yell at if Jared blew this off.
"I hate dogs," Jared said.
"Then you should have told your agent to make you a cat person. Or a fish person. You're the one who has a bio that says you own dogs." Jensen shrugged. He'd managed to dump his own 'pet' back in LA and now no one expected anything from him but a smile and a wave.
"I already fired that agent." Jared sighed. "But it was too late. Everyone likes 'Jared, Texas boy, dog owner.'" He made a face. "As if.."
"Just remember, the girl is named Sadie and the boy is named Harley," Bettiane put in, sounding relieved.
Jared gave her a look of sheer contempt. "How is my calling them anything going to show up in photographs? God, you're a fucking moron. You're fired." He turned his back and didn't seem to even notice as the girl stared at him in shock before bursting into hysterical tears. She ran off and ten seconds later a young man hurried into her place.
Jared held out the water bottle without looking over; the new PA took the bottle quickly. Jensen gave him a nod. "What's your name?"
"Freddy," the guy said, barely glancing at Jensen in case Jared demanded something without actually saying anything.
"Nice to meet you, Freddy," Jensen held out his hand and Freddy shook it, briefly. All his attention was on Jared, who had caught the eye of one of the female PAs. She smiled, Jared nodded, and when Jared held out his hand Freddy gave him a condom and two breath mints. Jensen waited until Jared and the PA started walking away, Freddy trailing after. Jensen walked along beside him and gave him a friendly smile.
"So, Freddy -- what church do you go to?"