Mornings Whisper

Mornings always seemed to come too soon. He listened to the sounds of the precinct, it showed no signs of winding down or regaining any semblence of calm. It never did, open 24 hours and always doing business. Nick remembered the file in his hand, and dropped it on Schanke's desk. It would be morning soon, and he had to leave.

He didn't want to. He hated leaving behind his work, just because the sun was rising. As alive and busy as the night was, he couldn't shake the feeling that something was happening each day, something more peaceful, something more alive, something more.. civilised than the world he saw at night. He hated feeling trapped into a few hours of the night, encased by his nature into existing only in the barred walls of the darkness.

It was not the reason he had begun his quest for mortality, but now it was one of his most pressing desires. He wanted to sit at his desk working, and not have to cast everything aside for one simple star's rising. He wanted to join the other officers on their morning break for coffee, enjoying the city in its daylit facade of peace. It had less to do with his desire to be saved, than for his wish for the freedom of a life unfettered by the hunger.

It was a life full of limits and forbiddens, for all the joys his lover exalted. For every ounce of superhuman strength he could exert, it paled beside the strength of remaining at a job into the morning. For all the wonders of the thrill of flight, it paled beside the joy of a father's sight of his child. For all the passion he felt when drinking the blood, it was nothing compared to the sweet taste of the fresh air of a spring day surrounded by friends as one simply existed... as a normal being.

For all he loved his family, he knew he had to leave them behind. He just didn't know how- or when. Nick left the precinct, heading for home- and he felt a stab of pain at what he would find there. Lacroix, waiting for him after his own night of work and play. His lover, whom he had regained after the centuries of fighting and irreconcilable differences which they had seemed to set aside. Pretending it would be forever. Nick realised that tonight he would have to admit, that it would not last.

Perhaps this time the break-up would not destroy their friendship. Maybe this time Lacroix would accept his need to rejoin the human race... or perhaps Nick's continued rejection of him and his offered life would finally destroy it all. Nick almost wished he could avoid this confrontation, but his mind was too open to Lacroix; the vampire would know, before he even stepped in the door, that the time had come.

One way or another, it would be the last night.

Nick walked inside the loft, and looked around. Lacroix was not home yet, but Nick didn't relax. He went to the fridge and got out a bottle- he stared at it for a moment before setting it back in the fridge. He wasn't hungry, and drinking it would just remind him of the pain he'd felt earlier- the pain at being himself. He walked to the couch and sat down, staring at the closed windows.

He wanted to open them, someday. That was his goal- to open them without feeling apprehensive, without wondering how long he could watched before the burning started, without feeling that sick sensation in his stomach that the light brought. He wanted to not be constantly reminded of his vampire body.

He stared at the walls, feeling empty and sad. Things had been so good lately. Living with Lacroix again, enjoying their time together, visiting Janette as a family again. The relief he'd felt simply at not being afraid of what Lacroix would do to him next, had been tremendous. They hadn't spoken of it, by silent agreement they let the past dwindle away into the past and until now they'd let the future stay invisible and unknowable.

But Nick was ready to stop denying himself. He only hoped Lacroix would understand.

He didn't hear the door slide open, only looking up at Lacroix when he spoke. "So, it is tonight, then?" His voice was filled with sorrow, and to Nick's surprise, understanding.

Nick stood and faced him. "I'm sorry, Lacroix... I wish it could be otherwise... I wish there was a way..."

Lacroix smiled at him. "But such is not to be. I once prided myself on my acceptance of whatever fate brought me. That was before I became immortal, of course... but perhaps it is a lesson I should remember. I love you, Nicholas, and I do not want to let you go. I suppose that isn't enough..."

The expression on his lover's face made Nick want to cry out, take back everything he'd said- and hadn't said. He wanted to say it would be all right, that they would stay together forever. but he knew he couldn't. Lacroix nodded, he knew it as well. And somehow, this time he seemed willing to accept it.

"I love you, Lacroix." He knew the other could hear his thoughts clearly, but he had to say it aloud. His voice rasped, "I do... it isn't you I have to.. leave behind. It's... the last time I thought it was you. I blamed you for everything I'd lost. I told myself I didn't love you and I believed it for too long. I won't forget, this time. I love you."

Lacroix said nothing, only watched his lover's face. When the tears began to form in the corner of Nicholas' eyes, he reached up and caressed his face. "I know, my love. I know..." He stared into Nicholas' eyes for a silent moment. Then, "Will you grant me one last night, before I leave you?"

"Of course!" It was obvious Nick didn't want it to be the last night, but he had to let it be. He embraced Lacroix tight, holding his lover tightly to him, afraid to let go too soon. He moved his head to one side, and Lacroix kissed him.

They stood still, locked in a desperate, passionate embrace, knowing that when the sun went down it would be goodbye. Lacroix stepped back and took Nicholas' hand, and led him upstairs.

Lacroix turned around and faced Nick. The bedroom was still a mess from the previous night- Nick felt a pang to know that tomorrow it would resume it's former tidiness. He waited as his lover reached out for him, and slowly began removing his clothes.

Nick dropped his gun and holster carefully in a nearby chair, then stood still as Lacroix's hand deftly and quickly removed his coat and shirt. The comforting sense of familiarity of the motions of Lacroix's hand on his body was juxtaposed with the grief that it was the last time. Nick moved forward once his upper body was bare, and kissed Lacroix. Lacroix wrapped his arms around Nick's torso, holding him tight, pressing his hands against his back. Then he stepped back and quickly removed his own shirt, and came forward again to the embrace.

Nick felt the touch of Lacroix's bare chest against his, and he felt the passion begin to soar. He leaned forward, as if trying to increase the contact so that he could forget it would end. He pulled Lacroix to him, kissing him hard, trying to pull his mouth against his with sheer desire. Lacroix answered with equal intensity. His tongue pushed Nick's mouth open, and came inside, pushing against his jaws and tongue. Nick wanted to open his mouth wider, and let him in all the way. He felt Lacroix pushing him down, and he moved back onto the bed.

Nick lay down on the bed, and looked up at Lacroix as he broke the embrace. He felt a tremor of fear strike through him, and then he relaxed as Lacroix pulled his pants down, and then reached forward to remove Nick's. The passion resurfaced as his lover's hands brushed against his legs, pulling his pants roughly in his need to make love.

Lacroix climbed on top of him, and kissed him again. Nick put his hands on either side of Lacroix's face, holding him down, pulling him close. He felt the sudden weight of Lacroix's body come down on him, feeling his body pressing him into the mattress as if never to let him free. Nick revelled in the sensation of being trapped, knowing his lover simply did not want to let him go, knowing his own love wanted to keep him here, forever entwined with his lover.

He blinked back the sudden tears, and reached for Lacroix. He put his arms on Lacroix's back, and began rubbing his hands up and down, pressing the flesh down, covering the skin from the base of Lacroix's neck to midthigh. He kneeded the skin, hearing Lacroix's answering growls. Lacroix let go of Nick's mouth and began kissing his neck, and chest.

He began thrusting against Nick's leg. Nick moaned, and his back arched. He want to pull Lacroix inside him, but the harsh motion of his thrusting would be too painful yet. He wrapped the other leg around Lacroix's waist, and pulled Lacroix's hand towards him. Lacroix took the hint and began to finger fuck him.

He started with one finger, pushed inside him and then thrusting in the same rhythm as he rubbed himself on Nick's thigh. Nick's groans became more pronounced, almost tinged in pain, as he felt the intrusion and wanted only more. His gasps became whimpers, and Lacroix pushed into and against him and he wondered for a second if the pain was just the punishment for his decision.

He reached up and grabbed Lacroix's shoulders, and Lacroix leaned forward for another embrace. He brought his finger out, and held Nick tightly. Lacroix kissed him again then gently turned him over. He rested his cheek on Nick's shoulder, and pushed himself inside...

Nick gasped, and his legs trembled. Lacroix resumed his thrusting, more slowly and gently than before. He pushed himself deep, and held still, and slowly Nick's gasps of pain became more passionate and coated in ecstasy. As he felt his lover relax, Lacroix ran his hands along his sides, and pushed himself slightly up to thrust again.

They made love slowly, passionately, until each one felt as if he were going to come to orgasm. Lacroix continued thrusting until he felt as if the next time would push him over, and stopped, hovering in motionless time until Nick was right there next to him waiting to be pushed over into the release of orgasm.

In one smooth, unpractised motion Lacroix pulled out, rolled Nick over and leaned in. Their fangs came out together, in unbidden synchronicity, and sank deep into each other's flesh. Their heads were buried against each other's necks, and their arms and legs wrapped around each others bodies as they began to drink in the final moments before orgasm. They found themselves floating in an expanse of nothingness, where only the sweet taste of a lover's blood filled them. The rush of the beating heart and the seduction of the vampire's blood drowned each man's consciousness as they took from each other and gave to each other in equal amounts.

Each felt the weakness that the draining blood left, and the as for now unconnected heady rush of the gorging on another's blood. The blood was sucked deep, filling their stomachs, filling their being, their systems not yet able to pull the blood into the veins to replace what was being lost.

The sensation of dizziness and being brought almost unto death pulled at their being, and joined itself with the raised passion they had created in bed earlier. As the almost last drop left each one's body to fill his lover's mouth, the last of the energy swept over them and took them into the final realm of passion. Nick had the vague sensation of someone screaming, but could no be sure if it had been he or Lacroix.

They regained consciousness wrapped in each other's arms.

Nick looked over at his lover, where his head rested on Nick's arm. His heart ached, as he realised once Lacroix left tonight, he would never seen this sight again. Never waken to find his love sprawled over more than his 'fair share' of the bed, never feel nim nudging him to wake up. Never see that sweet smile that told him that above anything else, Lacroix loved him.

Nick wanted to close his eyes and make it all go away. Instead he watched as Lacroix woke, and met his gaze. He smiled. "This is it, then, Nicholas?"

Nick nodded. He had made his choice- twice, in fact. He had to let go of Lacroix, to find the life he wanted. He tried to think of something to say, something to ease the blow of telling Lacroix he had to leave, not to return... He opened his mouth and Lacroix shook his head.

"I won't go back with you, Nicholas. I cannot... I love my life too much. Just as you love what will become your life, should you succeed. We both know there is no other way." His gaze was steady, and his voice, though quiet, was strong.

Nick wanted to dive into his arms, and stay there, delay the inevitable a while longer. Lacroix caressed his cheek, and stood. Nick bit back the outcry, and told himself it was, after all, his decision. He had to be strong enough to stand by it. He watched as Lacroix walked away, waiting to see him dress, and take his leave. He wondered if there would be any last speeches, last promises given. His brow furled in confusion as Lacroix picked up and black bag and brought it to the bed.

"What is--?"

Lacroix opened it and took out a scroll. He handed it to Nick, without a word. Nick unrolled it and looked at the alien scribbles. He looked back up at Lacroix, the question obvious on his face.

"You will have to look up your friend, the languages scholar. She speaks nicobari, does she not?" At Nick's bewildered nod, he continued. "Well the script is sanskrit, but the words are nicobari." He left Nick staring at the scroll, as he dressed. When he was fully dressed, he walked back to Nick, still lying naked in bed. He leaned over and gave him a long kiss. He smiled, but Nick saw the tears forming in his eyes.

In a shaky voice, Lacroix told him, "The scroll contains the way back across." Without another word he was gone, vanished back into his native night.

Nick stared at the open window, into the sky, for a very, very long time.

Lacroix sighed, and snuggled deeper against his love's warm body. He heard an answering laugh, and then he felt his love's arms wrapping around him and hugging him tight. Not as tight as before, but tight nonetheless. Lacroix smiled- he was happier than he'd ever imagined he would be, in this situation. Groggy with sleep, he half-whined, "Drapes..."

"Oh, sorry." Lacroix felt as the first rays of morning sun were cut off. He relaxed, as he heard his lover laugh. "I am continually amazed, at how easy it is to forget..."

Lacroix looked up. "Yes, well, remember that next time you start complaining about your weight."

Nick looked back at him, a shocked expression on his face. "My *weight*? I never! All I said was eating so much souvlaki was probably not a good idea. I never said-"

"You were gaining weight, oh no..." Lacroix teased him. He patted Nick's stomach, and then pinched, carefully. "You're saying this has always been here?"

Nick responded by hitting him full in the face with a pillow. He enjoyed the fact that he could surprise Lacroix now, the vampire couldn't read his mortal mind.

Lacroix growled through the feather pillow, and reached blindly for Nick. He grabbed ahold of him, and wrestled him over to his side of the bed, being careful as always not to exert his full strength. Nick laughed, and tickled Lacroix's ribs.

Lacroix caught hold of his arms and held them still, and wrapped his legs around Nick's waist. He looked down at Nick, trapped on the bed. "So... now what are you going to do?"

"Go take a shower? I have to be at the station in an hour." Nick was the picture of innocence.

Lacroix scoffed. "I don't think you need a shower... you haven't even worked up a sweat yet!"

Nick smiled at him, a classic come-on smile. "Well, who's fault is that, love?"

Lacroix leaned over and kissed him. Then he grinned at Nick. "Yes, Myra said you needed to get more exercise..."

Nick began laughing, and kissed him back. "What does she know?"

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